I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
