I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
