The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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