Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
