At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
