Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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