We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize