but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize