the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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