yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
