My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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