Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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