ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
