he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize