he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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