just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
