Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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