you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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