but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
