i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
operation have a gay friend backfired
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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