i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
