I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize