roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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