you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
