Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
