Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
