I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
