No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
