My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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