he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
