oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
