So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
