we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
