Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
