I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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