Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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