dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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