We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
