chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think im going to throw up on grandma
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
