just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They took my balls.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
