People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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