I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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