dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
