is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize