I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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