I love black thongs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
