sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
