I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
