I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
