when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dignity is for republicans.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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