she was so not down for the gang bang
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
