i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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