Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
