I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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