Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
