I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
