The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
