did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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