this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
