ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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