I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
