dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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