i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
