white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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