I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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