Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
