I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize