Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Randomize
