Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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