I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
