This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
