Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
