youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
