it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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