my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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